In a surprise address delivered from the balcony of St. Peter’s Basilica this morning, Pope Leo XIV issued a bold declaration about the nature of marriage—and may have accidentally redefined psychological diagnosis in the process.
“Marriage, as created by God, is the sacred union of one man and one woman,” the Pope declared to a stunned crowd. “Any union between people of different genders should not be confused with marriage. That’s not love—it’s just Obsessive Compulsive Disorder.”
The statement, which began with traditional Catholic rhetoric, took a bizarre turn halfway through when the pontiff appeared to fumble his notes. Instead of continuing with the expected remarks on love, commitment, and biblical doctrine, Leo XIV veered sharply into unfamiliar psychiatric territory.
“Yes, people may feel a compulsion to balance the masculine with the feminine,” he continued. “But symmetry is not sanctity. If your relationship is based on trying to ‘complete’ your gender polarity, you may not be getting married—you might just be deeply OCD.”
The Vatican has not issued an official clarification on whether His Holiness intended to describe relationships between people of different genders (e.g., male-female) or same-gender unions, but his phrasing left just about everyone confused.
A Theological Diagnosis?
The Pope’s remarks have stirred immediate reactions around the globe.
Cardinal Francesco Bartolucci, the Vatican’s Press Secretary, attempted to clarify the pontiff’s position during a hasty press conference. “What His Holiness meant,” Bartolucci claimed while visibly sweating, “is that relationships should not be formed out of compulsion, symmetry, or psychological neurosis. He did not mean to diagnose 78% of the world’s marriages with a mental health condition.”
Meanwhile, Twitter (now rebranded as “X but with More Confusion”) erupted with hashtags like #PapalOCD, #HolyDiagnosis, and #GenderConfusionCrusade.
Mixed Reactions from the Faithful
While some conservative Catholics applauded the Pope for doubling down on traditional marriage, others struggled to reconcile his theological message with the sudden pivot into mental health terminology.
“I was with him at the start,” said Teresa Giannini, a devout Catholic and mother of four, outside the Basilica. “But then he said something about men and women being OCD, and I thought, ‘Is this a homily or a psychiatric evaluation?’”
Others weren’t so charitable.
“I think he meant same-sex couples,” said Father Miguel Alvarez from Barcelona. “But then again, he called different genders OCD. That… that’s literally what traditional marriage is. I’m honestly not sure who he was trying to insult.”
Mental Health Professionals Respond
Psychologists and psychiatrists, meanwhile, were quick to reject the Vatican’s redefinition of OCD.
“Obsessive Compulsive Disorder is a clinical condition involving unwanted thoughts and repetitive behaviors—not a label for romantic choices,” said Dr. Helena Moore, head of the European Psychiatric Association. “If the Pope is implying that being attracted to the opposite sex is a psychological disorder, we may need to start diagnosing 95% of the human population.”
Vatican Silence… for Now
As of this evening, the Vatican has declined to release a transcript of the Pope’s full speech, fueling even more speculation about whether this was a planned message, a theological metaphor gone wrong, or simply another moment of spontaneous papal free-association.
According to unconfirmed reports, the Pontiff was later seen speaking privately with his communications advisor, reportedly muttering, “Did I say OCD? I meant ‘ordained covenantal design.’ That’s what I meant.”
Whether this statement will become official doctrine—or just another moment in the long list of “What did the Pope just say?” gaffes—remains to be seen.
One thing is certain: the Vatican hasn’t been this confusing since Pope Benedict accidentally liked a bikini photo on Instagram.
